Geardentity

The hunt for a “new” camera and possibly my identity.

I’ve been thinking way too much about whether or not I should buy a new camera. I’m currently focused on two older cameras, both of which I don’t need, but both of which could help my photography. But the bigger issue, has nothing to do with cameras.

The Canon 5D Mark II came out in 2006, I bought mine in 2011, and it was a game changer of a camera. It was the first to include full frame HD video recording with still camera lenses, allowing film makers the opportunity to film with cinematic style more easily. To me, it was a solid full frame camera, built like a tank, and reliable to it’s demise.

The one I owned died jumping out of my unzipped camera bag as I swung the bag over my shoulder, ejecting the camera into the air. It bounced off the pavement and the body split across the bottom plate seam. It had just finished taking a couple roadside mountain landscapes earlier that day with family. Before that I had probably logged somewhere in the neighborhood of 100,000 shutter clicks on that thing. It was a hero’s death for a camera that had given me so much.

It was 2017 when this camera fell to its death. The camera was old then and it’s really old now. Yet, I am still interested in buying another one. There is a bit of nostalgia when it comes to owning another working version of this camera. I used it extensively when I was a contract photographer. It can also serve as my second camera body, holding a wide lens during a shoot. Since it’s a wide angle, the photo requirements are easier to meet. I don’t need incredible shutter speeds and auto focusing abilities. In summary, it’s a cheap way to have a second body while using a camera that is near and dear to me, but it is old and limited in its capabilities.

Enter option two — The Canon 1DX Mark II (stock photo below)

This camera is a beast. I remember when my friend got the 1DX. It felt like a Ferrari compared to the 5D MkII that I was shooting all the time. I’m familiar with how the 1D line feels to shoot. They’re just different. This is the choice that I am much more excited about, but it’ll cost me $1000 more.

Any 1D is a workhorse of a camera and the 1DX MkII is currently priced at about $1,250 for a unit in good condition (they were listed at about $6,000 at the time they were released in 2016). The 1DX MkII feels like the best deal on camera gear available right now. You get a beast of a still camera for a fraction of what it would cost to buy it’s modern day successors.

So why am I having so much trouble deciding whether or not to buy a “new” camera?

Short answer: Identity

What kind of photographer/creator do I want to be? Is spending money on a camera selfish? Who am I?

The practical creator in me says, just go with the 5DII for now. It’s cheap and it solves the problem of only having a single body so that when you go on shoots you can pull wides from a dedicated body, while shooting tight shots on the better camera. It’s nostalgic and the image quality is good, given enough light. Then, when I make more money I can spend more money on the gear that I want. Practical.

The more excited voice in my head says to go with the “pro” camera. I can shoot in less forgiving situations with it. I feel like it will help me to feel more professional just by holding it. I won’t feel as limited by the camera itself. It will be up to me to make great images, no camera excuses for lack of results. Not to mention, I think it will just be fun to shoot on. It is after all a flagship camera and shooting on them feels like your operating a sports car.

Do you think the gear you use is a reflection of who you are?

This decision feels like it’s about more than the camera to me. I suppose it’s about ego too. What story do I tell myself, about myself? What story do I want to communicate to others?

I’m sure you can identify with this in the decisions you make in your own life. What story does our gear, clothes, car, house, school, etc . . . tell us about who we are? What does it communicate?

For now, I haven’t done anything except over-analyze this decision. Well, I guess I wrote about it too, but nothing has changed camera-wise and I’m becoming slightly obsessed to where it is stealing focus and joy. It’s time to either move on or jump in.

No matter which decision I make, I need to make the best work I can with what I have. That’s the script I should follow. I shouldn’t waste any time by doing or contemplating anything else. Simply, do the work no matter what gear you actually have.

Perhaps the real gold here is in realizing that I can sometimes equate my self-worth to the gear that I use.

It looks ridiculous for me to even have written this about myself. Somehow I feel shamed by it. But here’s the deal, I know I am not alone in this. I know there are other people out there struggling with similar decisions. I think there is actually a valid argument that your gear is part of your messaging, but so is hard work and dependability. It’s just another part of the whole. So don’t get bogged down by the limitations created in your mind.

In the meantime, none of the camera decisions will matter as much as the vision I have for this and other projects. But this doesn’t get me any closer as to whether or not I should by either of the cameras . . .