The Yes-No Duality

What Are Your Choices Costing You?

Yesterday was a test.

My friend texted me to ask for help developing her small business’ website.

In saying yes, I would have made at least a few hundred bucks just to set the site up, if not more. Honestly, it doesn’t matter.

I made the decision to say no because I wanted to stay focused on the more important thing — this blog.

This recent choice has me thinking.

It seems that every decision to do something is a decision not to do another.

If I had decided to take that web job, I would have diluted my focus, effectively communicating to the world, and myself, that the writing is not the priority.

It’s been a struggle to create content that I feel is worth sharing, even without the distraction of an unrelated side project. The thought of taking this offer to help create a small business website was already sending me stress vibes. My gut was saying no. I already knew what I needed to focus on, and it wasn’t building websites.

I’m proud of myself for declining. I am even more proud that I didn’t overthink the decision and said no quickly. It’s as if there was clarity in my thoughts. I’m not used to that.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to do too much. As a result, I recognize some of my previous mistakes, and I’ve already seen this movie play out, except this time I was able to recognize it before it was too late.

I’m tired of doing things that are a drag. I’m old enough to have lived through the experience of trying to make someone else happy and stressing myself out in the process.

At some point you have to learn the lesson, or be bound to repeat it.

I’m all in on the blog. Yesterday was proof. But with this realization there is a responsibility. Not only to myself, but also to my readers. I have to deliver.

So why do I share this with you?

Because in saying no to the side project, I said yes to the main project — this blog.

You have to be careful not to make a yes a no by default.

If I had said yes to the web job, I really would have been saying no to the blog. The web job would have stolen my focus, it would have made it harder than it already is to write.

It would have been in the way, not on the way.

My goal right now is to create articles that help people. Deciding to move forward with the web site offer would have helped my friend and her business partner, but it would have been misaligned with my overall goal. It would have therefore introduced a bunch of tension stress, me wanting to work on my super-goal project of writing the blog vs having to work on another project instead, all because I was too afraid to say no to work that I didn’t really want to take on.

You have to be careful what you say yes to, because these yeses can be nos if they get in the way of pursuing your dreams.

There is only so much time and energy available to you each day. If you’re not purposeful in how you choose to invest your time, you may start to fall off course. This is basic, but elusive. It’s hidden in plain site.

Your yeses are also nos.

Today’s post is just a reminder that you need to keep your high level priorities in focus. If you don’t know what these priorities are, it makes it harder to know what to say yes or no to.

I have been in that position as well, of not knowing.

If you’re still learning about what you want, you may have to say yes in order to see what’s on the other side of the decision. Then, recalibrate and continue.

But, if saying yes to something that you don’t really want to do is causing you to feel “off” in some way, it’s a sign. It’s probably not the right decision for you.

It takes time in life to understand this with more refinement. You need more data to make better decisions and you only get this information by making choices and observing the outcomes.

The point is, over time you can tell when you’re making a decision that is pulling you away from your priorities. You can feel it. There is that tinge in your gut that tells you it’s not a good fit. I’ve ignored that feeling to my own peril, as I’m sure you have too.

Every yes has a no buried in it, while the same is true for the opposite.

Realize that every time you say yes, you are also saying no to something else. The yes requires focus and attention and it eliminates available capacity by doing so. Be careful what you say yes to.

Likewise, when you say no to the things that don’t bring you closer to your goals, you are leaving space to work on the things that are truly important.

Equip yourself with this knowledge. The next time you are faced with a decision ask yourself, “What am I saying no to by saying yes?” Perhaps it will illuminate an answer for you simply by flipping the perspective.